I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
