Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
