Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
