fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
