A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
