its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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