Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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