WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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