wanna go halves on a baby?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
