we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
