Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
