Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
