It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
