I puked a lego.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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