Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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