I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
