just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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