Too much gin, very little bucket
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
