I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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