I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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