i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
