You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
