I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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