Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Less talking, more tequila
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
