And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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