census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
