what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's always time for handjobs
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
