were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
