just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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