how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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