I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
