Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
