i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
