Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
