Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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