Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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