why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
