Define "chronic" masturbator.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
