I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
