I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
