Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You're like the curious george of whores
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
