I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
