Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
