tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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