"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
