every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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