Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
