try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
BRING THE BAGELS
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
