what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
