So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
