so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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