sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
