Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
