well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
