dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
