You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
